Let's talk about mindfulness for teens. I've written before about teaching mindfulness to kids, but what about the door-slamming, eye-rolling, hormone-fueled inhabitants of our homes and classrooms? How can we teach teenagers mindfulness? Is it much different to teaching children? And how do we convince them actually to try it?
Mindfulness – paying attention to the present moment nonjudgmentally – can be a beneficial strategy for managing stress and anxiety.
Part of learning about mindfulness is understanding that thoughts are "just thoughts". Just the chatter of our brains, not necessarily good, bad, or right or wrong. It's not even necessarily true or accurate. Just thoughts. And that constant flow of thoughts that we all have? That's just what minds do.
But here's the most essential part. Our thoughts do not need to affect our feelings or our behaviour. We DO NOT need to engage with them. This concept is particularly empowering for adolescents struggling with self-doubt, negative self-talk, frequent worry, and rumination.
Mindfulness can help them get "out of their heads" and back into real life and the present, where they can live their lives. It can help them stop the spiral of negativity that happens when they "buy into" every thought that comes into their heads. They can acknowledge the idea. Notice the anxiety or the worry, then carry on without affecting their feelings.
Sounds good, right? But how do we get them to try it? Some teens are going to be quite cynical about the concept of mindfulness and meditation. Lots of teens will tell me, "I've tried meditation before. It doesn't work." Or "I can't stop my mind." Or even, "This is too hard; I don't get it!" So first, ensure you're giving them accurate information about mindfulness (they do not need to stop their mind from thinking!!). And then, try these five tips for introducing mindfulness to teens!
If you want your teen to be more mindful, they'll need to see you doing it first. Because, well, you've MET a teenager before, right? The slightest whiff of hypocrisy, and they'll be out of there faster than you can even say the word mindfulness. Teenagers have a great knack for seeing through us; empty words won't fool them. If you want them to be serious about mindfulness, you must show them you're serious about it.
Here’s the reason why you'll be practising mindfulness yourself. Teenagers need to trust you. They need to feel connected. They need time to build a relationship with you. Then, and only then, will they consider listening to what you say. Please share your own experiences of mindfulness with them.
Mindfulness can be a difficult concept to wrap your head around. And it can be not easy to do. So be upfront with them. Be real. Talk to your teen about your struggles. Let them know how you have mindfulness in your own life. Share with them, and they may consider sharing with you, too. Plus, you’ll build the solid foundations of a trusting, connected relationship. It’s It'sn-win!
What’What'st for them? Teens already have SO much going on in their lives. Trying to keep up with school work, study for exams, finish assignments, maintain their social life, keep up with sports, family life, maybe romantic relationships and part-time jobs. Not to mention raging hormones. They don't have another thing to add to their to-do list. Be clear about how it’s going to help them manage these things. Give them practical, relevant examples of how they can use mindfulness in everyday life.
For example, research shows that mindfulness helps with concentration. Mindfulness can help teens feel more relaxed and manage the stress of exams and assessment tasks. It can also improve performance on those exams! Yep, really. Plus, mindfulness can help us manage feelings like anxiety and depression, which teens struggle with.
Teenagers love learning about how their brains work. And there is a sense that mindfulness can improve the brainbrain'stioning. It can improve executive function, including problem-solving, reasoning, logic, and decision-making. It also helps us manage emotions more effectively. This is because mindfulness strengthens the thinking part of the brain (the pre-frontal cortex), so it can better process the emotions of the feeling part of the brain (the limbic system). This helps the brain respond skilfully rather than rashly when faced with a difficult situation.
Teaching mindfulness to a teen is much like teaching it to an adult. However, it might be helpful to adapt your vocabulary slightly to suit your audience and give them practical, real-life examples to illustrate concepts. Mindfulness for teens can be a bit of an abstract idea to grasp. I like to talk about the process of observing thoughts, similar to watching bubbles floating by, clouds drift through the sky, or leaves blowing in the wind. These kinds of metaphors can help a young mind understand an unfamiliar concept.
Also, since kids (ok, and us adults too!) are attached to their phones these days, why not try introducing them to a mindfulness app?! Three of my favourite apps for teens are:
And most of all, mindfulness for teens should be fun and engaging! Keep it short, to begin with. Focus on the breath or the body. These are great activities because they provide a focal point for the mind and are easy to understand, practical applications of the skill.
While it may be challenging to convince your eye-rolling, phone-scrolling, too-cool-for-school teens to try mindfulness initially, I am almost sure that once they get started, they'll see it so helpful that they didn’t do it years ago. And so will you.
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